Reflections on How I shut Down my Chakra System

     The journey through the whys and hows of a defunct chakra system and how to correct it.
     When I began my journey into full re-awakening I began with opening the chakras. This was intense because I had shut down my upper chakras as a child. My ability see, hear and know things others didn't was disturbing to people and what disturbed them disturbed me. Speaking my sharp perceptions got me hit. Hard. Across the face. Remote viewing made friends uncomfortable with me. Remote hearing had me ridiculed by my brother when I would catch him lying. knowing their thoughts disturbing. Feeling their emotions painful. Loving everyone and everything while getting nothing in return too draining. I only ever began to use it in self defense, when needed. My upper chakras were the first to go.
     But I was always god at everything earthly based: running, jumping, gymnastics, dance, horseback riding. It all came "supernaturally" easy. Never got sick, really and healed very quickly, so quickly more than one doctor has taken note of it. I began working at 14, making enough money to clothe and feed myself and had $2,000 saved up for my first vehicle. We never had food in the house, buying us clothes was always an issue with my mother. I hated her materialistic attitude, her covetousness, her need for attention and prestige. My father had all the money we ever needed but taught us to steal. "Do whatever you want, just don't get caught" was his motto. I detested their relationship with money. When it came to my earthly walk, I was an independent little thinker. But then something happened in my teen years, around 16 I began to change when my body went through puberty. I grew cold. I didn't make a practice of stealing, but when  friend wanted something and couldn't afford it, I made a show of how to get it without even a twinge of a guilty conscience. I grew puritan-like, wanting to be nun. I don't think I need to explain how I grew up in a sexually perverted environment. So, I went from puritan to diva sexually speaking. Didn't care who, what , where, when or how so long as it was a man and he wasn't already taken. I had seen how the boys I hung around with talked about the girls they had sex with behind the girls' backs. I swore I would never be one of them, I would be like the men instead. I wouldn't seek out attention, I 'd have them seek me out instead. One guy walked up to me in a bar "You love sex, don't you?". Not coming on to me or accusing, he was just making an observation and leaving. Yeah, I did. It came easily, naturally like horseback riding, running, jumping, falling without getting hurt. I was magical. I was in control. I was in control of everything earthly, I believed.
     At 21 I began to question all this. I was a wife and that meant something, was a responsibility. I was awaiting the birth of my first child. That meant everything to me. Though uncertain, I knew what I wanted and pretty much knew how to get it how I wanted it to come; appropriately. I could still assert myself when it came down to it. Then I began the re-awakening process, that serpent curled in, woman in cat jumped on, and I had never felt as insecure about anything as I have since. The only time I would get what I need always involved allowing someone else to drag me through them doing something unrighteous and evil. I was never allowed to do it myself, suffered for refusing and suffering for choosing. But anyone around me could do whatever they wanted and get away with it completely. Absolutely every aspect of my life was controlled by someone else. Have been slowly released over the past year in all these aspects, have some to go yet. Taking it slowly I guess, so I understand each step, each aspect, correcting it so I never go that way again.
    When it comes to an earthly existence. I cannot function how THEY want me to function in the system. So, I am just fine with taking a label that states this and living life how I want it. That was another thing about my upbringing: it was extremely prejudiced against colors, ethnicities, health, financial means, status, everything. It was hypocritical and offensive to me so I never learned discernment, only judgment, and responded in the opposite extreme: accept everything. Now I know discernment is appropriate. Having gone from needing to control everything to being able to control nothing, to some things I need to control, other things I shouldn't, some control is appropriate, some is unnecessary. Some things are chosen consciously, some things come naturally. Or maybe when some things are chosen consciously, other things just come naturally.
Upper chakras cleansed and tuned in to healthier perspectives, I am now entering the lower and Anais has come in to help me with this; she wants a healthy mother and a natural birth experience, which I was only able to give to one of my other children. And whether this is a literal birth or a spiritual one, I do not know. She could have been an aspect I lost long ago and didn't know. But I do know that this past year I became pregnant with "Shalom", which encompasses the full experience: health, wealth, prosperity, well-being and a right relationship with our creator. And I keep getting the name "Salome", which means "peace", in reference to Anais.
   I notice I am beginning to wear primary colors and never have liked orange or yellow, thought red was "slutty" or made items look cheap, inexpensive. Wearing blue and purple, green was always a favorite, pumpkin orange on my son, bright orange on my daughter and allowing in a brick red for myself. Guess I should start exploring cherry ;) Ugh, and yellow. Dandelions are in my house, I guess that counts.
   Right now, I am listening to chakra tunes on YouTube. Stuff like this won't make it happen and one certainly can't just imagine it happening, but if it is appropriate and we are willing to allow it to happen, things like this will support it happening.
   I do know I have to get a bank account. To allow money to come in, it needs a channel. Everything these days is automatic deposit and withdrawal. I was always good with a checking account. If I deposited, I rounded down to the nearest dollar. If I wrote a check, I subtracted to the nearest rounded up dollar. So, anytime I closed an account, I always ended up with a surprise amount. I also have to buy a lottery ticket. I have a "stable income" and need to balance it with taking a chance once in a while. Financially I am embracing practicing responsibility with generosity, not just towards others, but with myself as well. These are the keys to financial prosperity, which brings greater mobility, health and well-being. which comes ultimately from a right relationship with our creator: a conscious decision we all are making.
 Knowing and understanding all this, brings peace to a person and injects it into the family tree. That family tree can then inject it into a community and through an open, mixed community, all of humanity.
      Listening to the intonations for brain chakra stimulation, there a deep "why" voice, lol as I remember crying from deep within as a child "WHY!" and then immediately blocking any understanding coming in because I had learned to block anything coming from those channels. I would see someone was sad or angry, being deceitful, etc and they would tell no, they weren't, so I stopped trusting myself and hating that it caused trouble. I had to learn the hard way. One of the big steps I have been making is sticking by my intuition, adhering to decisions made with it even if people deny what I see going on around and within me and them. "Black is black and white is white, so it is that a lie is a lie. It does not need to be acknowledged by you,  your acknowledgement is not needed to prove something is or isn't true".
   I also have to remember we sometimes take on physical illness to mute our otherwise healthy energy so it is muted enough to give us access to lower vibrational levels and thus the people inhabiting them. Sometimes we take on mental, emotional, or spiritual illness to access the physically well but spiritually, emotionally, intellectually corrupt people. We maybe happy, healthy and whole experiencing some level of discomfort so we can be exposed to others. And that is why it is so important to be good to those strangers amongst us who are suffering on any of these levels: they may be perfectly whole and healthy, passing through as a blessing to our environments, muted so they can actually exist on our levels.
   Caution! Awakening chakra energies! The day has gotten started and I'm getting into potential trouble already. Don't scratch the truck that says "scratch me"......owner puts on pretenses due to insecurities and while his truck might need some scratching so he can relax a bit, I am not the one to do it: I don't want to pay the bill when he runs to "mommy" complaining (and the bastard had the nerve to speak as a disciplinarian to my child, not his right or responsibility. You talk to the parent and that parent would be me, no wonder my kid responded as he played around it as would any child subject to the law of instinct. I see why now that I am experiencing child-like reflexes of my own-note, term "bastard was not used in anger or resentment, no self doubt, denotes wrongful action on his part taken). Are they serious, you need to have a piece of paper to drive your vehicle down the road to get inspected? Yes, they are very serious, someone might get hurt or miss out on making some money, they believe. Note to self-don't get rebellious about it. And my language! Tongue is free flowing.....children in environment! Shit! Oooops, there I go again, lol. Yup, giddy as if I am drunken but more grounded and not the least bit wobbly on my feet. All my senses are heightened. maybe go for a walk instead of listening to more binaural rhythms, lol. Anyways, it was this intuitive experience of the instinctive response to that vehicle that made me realize the truth of all things: our possessions radiate our consciousness. Children really are walking, talking vessels of the law of attraction.
   OK, simple walk to store, wearing red and my energy says "condition: cherry", pure clean and energetic, hot to trot and ready to gamble-ready for movement and open to potentials, not horny or into taking foolish risks. Sheesh, that was easy. But, whoa, they expect me to get a job and work out in public like this or work in a cubicle? lol.......meet group of walkers: 'well, aren't we a motley crew', I think. OK, think of something else to say......in store, cashier is cute, just blurt it out that this is so. Compliment another, she does not answer right away...out of head, out of head, won't go there....Oh, she responded. Wasn't fishing for answer but so used to getting them, natural to wonder. That teen that walked in the house ignoring everybody else....not a problem, she is just not used to acknowledging people...stay out of her, doesn't matter, don't need to go down that road.....but she wouldn't mind, she has no boundaries to call home....OK, then. Other woman at store: not impressed with anyone, including herself, leads everything leaving an impression and on her and her surroundings.... Yes, I know these things about people. Need proper stimulation, but not so much that I am overwhelmed at the moment. Maybe I could work out in public if I continued to develop healthy boundaries. But who wants to? Tune 'em all out, tune in to a few, which ones are important, which ones want it, etc....on with the questions I need to be asking......and this isn't even stressful, nervous or nerve wracking, this is easy and free flowing, not stressful or panicky. Simple preparation for whatever is coming.
   And I am noticing far more in my environment, with a quick glance at things, I am taking more in and remembering. Innocence.
But this time, not naïve and uncertain. Very secure in my own presence.
Then I ate something. Immediate crash and loss of energy. That's right, had done a bunch of cleansing like with wheatgrass and dietary changes before learning meditation. My stomach can't handle high energy foods right now, so listening to binaural beats for physical healing so we can change that and my body can handle the increase of energy being channeled through the chakras. Density of food we eat does make a difference, but it does not kill us or make us healthy, it simply takes more or less energy to process. Even 'toxins' can be easier to transmute than some natural food items like meat and cheese that is why so many on the path to 'enlightenment' smoke cigarettes and drink caffeine. Quick change energy. But then we get too light, light-headed and need to eat something more solid. Too solid and we crash suddenly, need napping after each meal if the body is doing a lot of changing. Then we burn up in our sleep, feel drained and need recharging when we wake. Metabolize food so fast, after a one hour nap immediately after heating, I wake up absolutely starving. Long process, I guess, been at it for ten years now. Just didn't have the digestive issues until last year or two. Lost 70 pounds suddenly. Digestive system shut down completely then rebooted. Taking a long time to recover completely.
An insight as to one aspect of what happened ten years ago:
Did complete healing, then sins came to visit. That is why my health dropped so dramatically after the event and lingering effects played down.
First was a free gift, then we had to work for it.