Friday, May 17, 2013

The Ultimate Sweetness

         As I woke this morning, a bit stiff and toxic in the body, mom's boyfriend was in the yard mowing past the window. I felt a real sweetness and decided to let the vibrations from the mower massage my body and that worked well. Trying to remember what I was working on, what I could be doing, what I had learned and wondering what I had integrated, how WAS my stomach doing? I got a picture in my mind of a sweet young soul knocking and presenting a gift to me. I wondered, OK, now that was what I was working on, is this my imagination? Started mumbling ot myself about, damn, it they are supposed to come in the body to the door respectfully, if it isn't just me and my imagination. Suddenly my youngest daughter was mad at me. Oh, shit. Oh geez. It was her and I had hurt her feelings. Damn, she is so SWEET! I love her! I love it! We spoke about it, think it's better. As stood at the door having my cigarette, I noticed other sweet little energies coming in with requests. I need a court secretary if this is going to be happening, I said in my head, laughing delightedly. I sloughed off some lingering toxins from my body. Then I thought, THIS kind of sweetness makes life worth living. There it was and there you have it. Exactly what I was needing. I began crying. Life is now worth living. Now I will begin healing. It was up to me and my body. Not even God himself could command it. I had to find life worth living. Me and my body. Now, I  think I have to go check my mail for something........
      This is also why I have been able to have so much compassion for my mother; I was a child just like my daughter. I KNOW EXACTLY how it could be that I would have drove her crazy. There is just so much info out there these days about such "Indigo" children, I had a bit of advantage in that I could access that information. Then I realize she could have as well, if she had truly gone looking.
     And this is why I have so much compassion for my older daughters. I was still learning when I had them. My mind was used to fighting off huge demons, hiding, analyzing, wondering, being hopeless and helpless. And I have been in the minds of their fathers, I know exactly how they think and what they are hiding, I know what my daughters are up against themselves. No, I wasn't there for them because I was too distracted, learning, I had nothing of value to give them in the way of knowledge until I had gained it myself. All they could do is observe me and all I could do was let them. But now I have reached a place of sweetness. A place of deep respect. I am in my sanctuary. Recently I taught my children "My space, my body" and this morning came the phrase "my body, my sanctuary", let's respect it. Come bearing gifts and knocking respectfully, with our human voices, shall we?  A secretary. So I don't hurt the wee ones thinking to myself in their presence or their presence in my presence, sheesh, lol. I really don't want to trample them. I am excited to be graced with the gift of being able to embrace them in my own sanctuary.  Let it be a place of safety for them and me. "They wouldn't be here if it wasn't already". Too many tears of joy and relief coming! "It is all OK." "Now it is all OK" "Today, it starts today".
    But that is why I put this on the internet. So, my inner kingdom will be respected by the older children and adults. "Until now, the kingdom was entered into by violence", there were no healthy boundaries, everyone came and went as they pleased. Now there is a standard set, healthy boundaries, methods for running a kingdom based on respect, for everyone's benefit, preventing confusion and animosity. We can be at peace.
     Then I am confronted with the challenge of what to do about healing. I used to do it by taking energies into myself, transmuting them and giving them back. The result: not taking anything in. If someone wants healing they have to ask, I am no longer offering. And I am not going in. They will have to open up and allow the energies to enter them willingly. So often I have been asked and they have taken but not allowed it to change them. I will not be wasting my energy. There are standards to be met by those who are doing the asking. Or observe, learn and get permission for yourself to do it.
 You have everything you need and could possibly get from me right on these pages.
 Do the work and look for it.

Oh, and something I had been waiting for did indeed come in the mail today. I also "heard from" our dog "Buddy" who wants to come see me. He also thinks he should be bringing somebody with him. I am not interested in the man. The dog is more than welcome, if he can behave. He is so awesome, that dog. Cute and sweet.

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