Are We Really Even Truly Angry?

      I noticed something within myself and then was able to pick up on it in other children. By the time we're adults it's so ingrained and familiar it feels real AF. 

       There is real anger. That's how we recognize triggers. When we recognize that we've been triggered, we know where to look within ourselves for the source of our discomfort. When we do that, we can access relief. Then there is practiced anger that we make our own. 

      Practiced anger that we make our own comes from at least two kinds of experiences. One is when we take on the anger of caregivers so we fit in, are perceived as on their side, and we believe we are safe from having their anger projected at us. Of course it doesn't work most of the time, though it may waylay it now and then. We get angry at them hurting us, feel betrayed at it not working and our anger compounds the adopted anger. It then becomes near  impossible to differentiate the sources of the anger we may feel when triggered. It can become so familiar that we fears letting go of it for fear of losing our Identity, our false sense of self we associate with a sense of safety because adopting it was intended to make us safe. That's one of those roads to hell paved by good intentions.

     Another practiced anger is adopted in imitation of someone we admire. They display qualities, skills and experiences we want to emulate. Instead of just emulating the specific aspects we admire, we emulate everything about them, including expressing anger at the same things they get angry with. (Notice that phrase angry "with", the joining of another in the experience of). It all starts off innocent enough; like trying on a hat or pretending to be a dog. Then it becomes familiar and we begin to own it. It becomes just as fear inspiring to let go of as any other practiced form of anger. It's not just letting go of a false sense of self, it may feel like we're rejecting someone we had so admired because we may not be able to differentiate between the whole person and their various aspects. Sometimes we are ready to let go of the anger, however we are not able to separate the whole from the unwanted aspects. This leads to hate of that which we loved. This is why people turn on religious organizations they've left and even habits they've left (imbalance of use of drugs, alcohol, tobacco, etc.). 

     If we are experiencing unwanted anger in our lives, from others and/or in ourselves, it may serve us to see if any of it was never really our own to begin with. The only person on the other side of letting go is someone who doesn't feel good about anger being projected at themselves or others, and is now old enough to articulate that and act in accordance with that, aka "be yourself". 

     Otherwise, our real anger is with ourselves. That does us no good as it leads to self destructiveness. Compassion and understanding for ourselves is the help we truly need. There is plenty of examples put there to show us how to gift that to ourselves. Matt Kahn's "Love What Arises" and Abraham-Hicks have been my personal go-tos over the years. You'll find yours as soon as you open up to the idea of doing so.

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