It was comfortable when I was young

      When I was young, I was perfectly comfortable with my every emotion. It felt good to express freely, embody the fullness of myself and/or get shite out of my system. I had no problem voicing joy and excitement. I had no issues with voicing anger or hurt. I could screech with excited abandon, cry like my whole world had come to an end, I could pout steadfastly as any sainted martyr and slice off body parts with my tongue when pissed off. It never would have occurred to me that such free expression of emotion would be a cause of discomfort in it's self. 

    Until it was brutally clear that every single one of those expressed emotions was going to be the cause of great discomfort for someone to be in the presence of or feel the brunt of. It takes a serious amount and level of opposition to send such an indomitable spirit into self awareness. 

     That's where sayings like those about some god placing the heaviest loads on their bravest and best come from. "God disciplines those He loves"; beatings, imprisonment, rape.....whatever it takes for us to wake the fuck up to ourselves so we realize that we are not alone in the world, to fully realize that, indeed, we are gods; creators of our realities and that we are loved.

     Sick and twisted from a human perspective, sure. If we have but one short life, that's valid. However, we don't. We are eternal. We can perceive ourselves to be injured parties, however there is no true and lasting harm. To the eternity, a lifetime of pain and suffering is merely the quick popping of a pus-filled blister. 

     That's why "secret" teachings, societies, etc. No one is trying to hide anything. It simply doesn't serve one who believes themselves as nothing more than a human being that lives but one short life and dies. There's just nothing to see here; move along.