I just wouldn't have thought that much of myself

     It didn't occur to me that one would refuse a termed contract because nothing less than an infinity with me would do. He was right not to settle. I admire his self respect. I am appreciating it as well because it released me to embody an even greater potential, which I am most thoroughly enjoying🤗

     It didn't occur to me that men would think so highly of me, that they'd be so intimidated by me, that they couldn't approach me without being intoxicated and making up an excuse just to look upon me and interact with me and that would lead to disrespecting my clearly expressed boundaries as well as natural ones like sleep. 

     It didn't occur to me that men would find me so irresistible that despite the best and purest of intentions, they could not help but force themselves on me even if "just" by controlling my finances, well being, socialization/support network, threatening me, passive-aggressively killing me to keep me for themselves. 

     It didn't occur to me that men would find me so precious that they would assume responsibility for me that oversteps what I believe are my best interests and my free will. 

     It just didn't occur to me to think so much of myself. Sorry and not sorry. Yup, I was(am?) inadvertently, by my innocent acceptance of self as normal, a whole bloody heap of trouble to people who don't have adequate self respect or self control. I can't take the blame any more than a newborn human in our shared society can be blamed for not being able to walk, talk and feed it's self. I'm keeping myself off the hook for it while being aware of how and why others are the way they are. 

      Just because you can, doesn't always mean you should.