The Dumpster Diving Life

       Sometimes we drop something down a drain or take something apart to get to the "bottom" of a problem. For the most part, no one wants to be in the bowels of life for long. Some value themselves and their cleanliness over sentimental value placed on something by someone else, if not themselves. 

       Growing up having come out of the womb of a woman who dumpster dove for a mate (married a guy who was from "the wrong side of the railroad tracks"; violent drunk and child molester like his father), dumpster dove for household furnishings, clothing, and food(damaged, marked down, etc), all  despite having lots of money, I became ingrained with the thoughts, perceptions and beliefs of dumpster divers. She even dragged us to and dedicated us shortly after birth to a religion that glorifies dumpster diving for souls while reinforcing the existence of the dumpster and it's occupants. 

     The dumpster didn't feel like home, however I had no perceivable choice in the matter. It was familiar. I felt dirty and was uncomfortable in the presence of better because I knew I had a dumpster contaminated brain. 

      Today I understand what it was meant by Jesus that he was there for the lost sheep only, the chosen ones of Israel. There are several species of snakes; the stranglers, the venomous, and the ones that will keep the other two out of their territory. It's the king snakes I find in my territory. 

      I lost myself in the thinking and perceiving of lack, judgement, etc. in the "kingdom" of an abusive god. When I chose myself over all the dumpster trash, I became chosen. I heard the call through the corruption of prophetic words that made it into the dumpster. I found the kingdom within and eventually learned that the voices in the dumpster don't serve and so don't deserve my attention. 

     I'm pissed. Or is it just clarity that has to be brutal to make it's self clear in a grime coated dumpster? I find myself yelling the words I am trying to write as someone walks by yelling dumpster diving arguments at the dumpster diving thoughts on autoplay in their own head. 

    All that only to discover; there's always bigger, better, newer and it serves me better to focus on that instead of why I found myself in a dumpster diving for a life.