Detoxing the link between Money/Material Wealth and Sex, Health, Well-being

     This was probably the biggest one for me and the final step into my being able to create a new life experience for myself. 

     We can probably all agree that abundance, prosperity, health and well-being are entangled with together and associated with money; the energy we interpret as appropriate trade for our energy input into the greater community. 

     We acknowledge that cognitive abilities develop in stages. For example; depth perception. Toddlers see a "fuck" (as my nephew with a then speech impediment screaming, pointed out at the truck stop to his mom🤣) getting bigger, not coming closer. 

      Similarly, life introduces certain energies along with the cognitive ability to use those energies. For example; we experience an increase of energy available in the body at puberty and we are introduced to sexual energy. 

     As new cognitive abilities are introduced, memories come up so we can expand our understanding of our experiences. That's why we revisit old memories we believe we've worked through and why the spiral is a metaphysical or metaphorical symbol of life/consciousness. We circle back around and expand, always moving the increased understanding "upwards" into the mind.

     Previous experience with such energies and cognition determine how we experience those energies. For example; before I attained cognitive understanding of depth, my mother, terrified, pulled me off the 2nd floor apartment window sill. Back then, my mother did have very motherly, nurturing feelings for me, so I readily absorbed that terror in association with heights and developed an unreasonable fear of them. 

      I was listening to YouTube video of Abraham-Hicks and something in me clicked. I have spent my entire life seeking and being most excited about understanding. I have quite the abundance of it. Material wealth, health and well-being suffered from neglect. I stopped being excited about physical sensation. My sensual, physical, self got no attention until it screamed out in pain from neglect. People who delight in sparkly things receive lots of sparkles in their experience. People who delight in clothes, have full closets. It goes so on and so forth. They don't even have to work for these things. They're gifted them and are offered circumstances that create a fullness of them. 

     In my case, the biggest reaction to material/physical things is blessed relief. Therefore, I only receive them when I'm crisis. Pair that with a violent conditioning into dependency upon toxic masculine energies and I became one toxic, needy, helpless, "don't touch me or help me", little bitch who didn't understand why and how she became such a victim and threatened suicide if  the non-physical "powers that be" don't deliver (see post on abuse and addiction following this one). Though I presented an amicable, people pleasing personality with a resting bitch face I wasn't even aware of 🤣 I spent most of my life terrified.

       Here I was, once again in desperate straights; over 100 degrees F, unable to provide for myself and once again receiving a toxic masculine response. The contending with it with the ease and grace I do desire for this next stage of my life has been a tentative testing of responses for me. Yesterday I experienced a huge breakthrough.

     The day before, I was facing the "only choice is hospital", no; I choose a better life for myself. The strength returned toy legs and the heat exhaustion left my body. Further heavy feeling energy/fear/darkness came to be associated with thoughts to succumb to do that it could be embodied. "No! Labor does not have to be so hard!" I asserted. The feeling of wanting to crawl out of my own prickly skin receded. I had begun to wake up to feel a semi bright presence bent over me from the right that asked if I was ready to go. I had gotten up and made myself emotionally and physically ready, knowing it didn't mean I was physically moving, but it seemed natural to symbolically (it's called spell casting when practiced to affect something) be ready in the physical. The movement of the heavy energies was me moving emotionally/energetically.

     I personify different aspects of myself in my mind so I can mediate between them in a way I can comprehend/my mind can grasp. After that contending, I sensed a younger masculine expressing the sentiment; "Anything, if that's what you want, I will get it. If you had only told me" turned into"if I only knew". "He couldn't know ". I was too busy trying not to be"demanding", "needy", or even noticed.

        So, yesterday, restored to a healthy balance, this newly triggered awareness of the connection between physical pleasure, I tested the theory on the easiest, most attainable amount of pleasure I could avail myself of to rush what I wanted of the physical realm to me. I felt the drawing in of material things. It was ecstasy (ecSTACEY 😉) with visualizations of money and finer things. Ah ha! That's why sex magic is a thing and why sex sells things! That drew in the darkness and I sensed as I repeated words of what I wanted; "and call me Daddy". Nope! I immediately changed my focus. Now, that is not to imply that such draws "evil". It only means I drew my own inner "demon" up and that's how I know I had deeply repressed judgement in association with it. Absolutely; tell me you want to see me in the lap of luxury while making sweet love to me! Describe it in detail with every brush stroke of sensation. We'll create kingdoms for each of us together!

     Another connection I made was with dancing paired with singing and/or what we visualized when doing so. Speaking words, speaking our reality into being, spell casting, I keep myself aware of the words I sing. For example when I hear the verse; "I've still got alot of fight left in me", I change "fight" to "life". 

      I was awakened while it was still dark by a dark masculine presence that wanted to inform me that they were going to get me what I wanted. Now I had the immature masculine and grown emotionally masculine energies going to obtain what I wanted to sustain this physical being. This afternoon, I realized I had created that overbearing begrudging masculine energy as a petulant child who received requested things not exactly what she wanted, as she wanted. A disheartened adult male would have that response. Neither of my parents were energetic matches for my super consciousness, especially with being so distracted with fighting one-another. There's no way they could have been present enough to really hear or see me.

      I was waking up this morning when that dark masculine energy came and tried to oppress me into fear of not getting my needs met again. I turned inward towards my light. I remembered a channeler being interviewed to focus on instead of the dark energy/thoughts. I experience those energies on my left side. I began to see a light coming in and out of focus behind the darkness. The energies of St. Germaine and Jesus became present to my awareness just to the outside of my right hand side perception presence. I allowed them in and they reminded me to allow my energy to work for me. I sent a tentative tendril of what I perceived as my energy from my right hand side, where I obviously had been retreating into and limiting myself to; my emotions. It leaked "under" the dark energy and I cried. I was releasing my fear of using my own energy to fulfill my physical needs and wants! 

       As I exercise my using my own energy in a balanced way, flowing fluidly from left to right sides of my body, I requested St. Germain, Jesus, and Tobias energies to stay and help. Of course they're aspects of myself I will use as separate so I feel the support and encouragement of healthy fatherly energy that nurtures an empowered feminine in a female presenting body, which I choose to express my perception through. 

     So it is that our wealth, health and well-being is associated with toxicity and money. 

     Now, I have slowed it down to imagining being in a forest or on a beach when I focus on being caressed by a soft breeze. Anytime I interact with water, drinking or bathing, I focus on the feeling of refreshment and imagine blue lagoons. When I brush against a branch under my tree where I pretty much confine myself these days, I reach for the leaves and imagine brushing my hands against lush green grass. When I see a good looking vehicle, I remember driving one of quality, the vibration and power felt in it's motion, in shifting it's gears (not enough standards around these days, imo). Those don't draw dark energies 😉

     Also, I know I have detoxed a lot of judgement in association with intimate relationships because not long after, I experienced my first girl on girl giddiness🤗

Phew! That thar is what we call a humdinger of a rabbit hole!🤪 I'm impressed with me for navigating to the bottom of it and coming out with clarity; grounded and sane! 🎉👍💃

Maybe one day I'll elaborate on those physical "miracles" I experienced through that and previously. Some of which are medically recorded and blew the minds of medical and mental health staff💥I am unlimited- hooya! (As soon as I allow myself to be 🤣😉)

Now, I rest....nope, one more post to go as a connection to this topic comes up.....vroom, vroom