Run down, unwanted means no one will want what she wants, won't take it. So, if she's really good and only has what no one else wants, there is a good chance she could call it hers. Everyone knows if you're not good, things dear to you get taken as punishment. She didn't deserve good things. When asked what she wanted and was invited to make a list for Santa, she never got it. She got anything but and things unwanted. Boom! There it is.
From meeting the makers season 2018-
Following an outburst by me in which I realized how fully passionate I am about the right to life including everything needed to sustain it, I have been experiencing alot of negative thinking, critical of other people and poor health, weakness. I remind myself this is just everything that has always gotten in the way of my thriving freely coming up to be gotten out of the way. I tap in to what is underneath taking it's place and reassure myself that what I feel is not my present reality because, in all honesty, everything truly is going my way. Reminding myself: everything going my way really IS ok.
As I feel the relief that comes after an energy blast like last week's, a few understandings come to me. I have gratitude that I know what's happening; aspects are coming up for updating, DNA is changing, cells reconfiguring, physical body healing. Hard to sleep, hard to eat. I get I touch with "everything is working out for me", gently put gentler foods in my mouth, drink more water, take a step back and enter observer mode for anything triggering me. Hold on.
Not all the pain is growing pains. It IS resistance in me. It's in me for a reason. When I am at my most tapped in, tuned in, turned on; lines blur and people's personalities are charicatures(Fred, Sanford and son holding his heart) I see everything in the purely energetic state it really is. Colors are vibrant and run together like water colors. Grumpy people are funny and it's hard to take them seriously. So, I resist it because I know they're taking themselves seriously and their grumpy is running the show. If I trigger them by introducing the delight I feel, they'll strike out and it will land right where I've got an aspect that is taking it's self seriously. That narrows the focus!
That's why: "It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt".
That's how it is "supposed to" work. Energy rises, brings up blockages for release/bringing into light/bringing into focus/making us more conscious of more of ourselves/raising awareness/increasing consciousness/Ascension. It slows us down so we can get a good look at something that needs/wants our attention. Though we can't put these words to it as children, we learn it real quick, even quicker the more trigger filled people exist in our environment; the more abusive. It becomes habit. We forget why we're doing it. The resistance that has become habitual puts us in alignment with others with similar degrees of resistance and it becomes our truth; the truth of our reality. Now that I'm embodying less resistance in the day to day, I may could release that habit a bit and let myself live in that fantasy world during energy surges.ooo, might could up it a bit for "regular" days, too.
Not all the pain is growing pains. It IS resistance in me. It's in me for a reason. When I am at my most tapped in, tuned in, turned on; lines blur and people's personalities are charicatures(Fred, Sanford and son holding his heart) I see everything in the purely energetic state it really is. Colors are vibrant and run together like water colors. Grumpy people are funny and it's hard to take them seriously. So, I resist it because I know they're taking themselves seriously and their grumpy is running the show. If I trigger them by introducing the delight I feel, they'll strike out and it will land right where I've got an aspect that is taking it's self seriously. That narrows the focus!
That's why: "It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt".
That's how it is "supposed to" work. Energy rises, brings up blockages for release/bringing into light/bringing into focus/making us more conscious of more of ourselves/raising awareness/increasing consciousness/Ascension. It slows us down so we can get a good look at something that needs/wants our attention. Though we can't put these words to it as children, we learn it real quick, even quicker the more trigger filled people exist in our environment; the more abusive. It becomes habit. We forget why we're doing it. The resistance that has become habitual puts us in alignment with others with similar degrees of resistance and it becomes our truth; the truth of our reality. Now that I'm embodying less resistance in the day to day, I may could release that habit a bit and let myself live in that fantasy world during energy surges.ooo, might could up it a bit for "regular" days, too.
After my last post I see myself bursting forth out of my cocoon into this world in Technicolor. Which means I'll be dancing with it all summer, be granted full embodiment of it next fall. That means next winter I'll be going deep into seeing spirits again issues in my cocoon, burst into a spirit filled, Technicolor world next spring....
Oooo, and I'm finally able to get ahead of myself again! Remember that from childhood? See it in children? "Adults" always responding with "slow down!". They have valid reason for it, I only understand now that I'm releasing myself from those reasons. Fun day today! Right on schedule....
Oooo, and I'm finally able to get ahead of myself again! Remember that from childhood? See it in children? "Adults" always responding with "slow down!". They have valid reason for it, I only understand now that I'm releasing myself from those reasons. Fun day today! Right on schedule....
'Twas a night before abundance hit
And all through her inner house
There was crying and sadness
For the little girl she was;
The little girl who went to school hungry,
Told no one there was no food in her house.
Because she just didn't understand this world.
Maybe she wasn't supposed to eat when hungry.
She didn't know what questions to ask.
She didn't know anyone would care to answer or to know.
If they knew, they'd be angry she hadn't asked or told.
She felt their anger and so thought it was toward her.
She didn't want to be the reason anyone would be angry with anyone else.
Anger was so uncomfortable to be around.
When she told a teacher she didn't understand something,
He told her it was stupid or foolish not to have asked.
She didn't want to feel stupid or foolish.
She wouldn't tell anyone again
That she hadn't asked.
They like to say "oh, nonsense".
She didn't like feeling she had no sense.
It made sense to her.
She did not like feeling shame,
Shame for the anger
At being dismissed
As nonsense.
So, there is comforting.
There is forgiveness.
And there is peace
And all through her inner house
There was crying and sadness
For the little girl she was;
The little girl who went to school hungry,
Told no one there was no food in her house.
Because she just didn't understand this world.
Maybe she wasn't supposed to eat when hungry.
She didn't know what questions to ask.
She didn't know anyone would care to answer or to know.
If they knew, they'd be angry she hadn't asked or told.
She felt their anger and so thought it was toward her.
She didn't want to be the reason anyone would be angry with anyone else.
Anger was so uncomfortable to be around.
When she told a teacher she didn't understand something,
He told her it was stupid or foolish not to have asked.
She didn't want to feel stupid or foolish.
She wouldn't tell anyone again
That she hadn't asked.
They like to say "oh, nonsense".
She didn't like feeling she had no sense.
It made sense to her.
She did not like feeling shame,
Shame for the anger
At being dismissed
As nonsense.
So, there is comforting.
There is forgiveness.
And there is peace
In this inner house
On this pre-abundance Eve.
Today the negative thoughts and feelings that prevented me from experiencing the feeling of financial ease in the past have been coming in relentlessly in response to my finally feeling it. Yay me! Oh, what a feeling!
It was exausting going through all that. I woke from a nap to an awkward experience. It led to me comforting the little girl who didn't understand why when she excitedly ran up to a group of children, they all screamed and ran away. She had never cried about it. She's been too trapped in the why of it, I guess.
Now I know why; they were all black and she is not.
Today it was what apeared to be an open invite I responded to then didn't get another response back. It came out in a later post that it was for a Black History Month series. I'm assuming that means for blacks only and she just wasn't comfortable saying so.
I get it. I'm OK with it. There will always be in me the "naive" tendency to love everyone around me, get excited about opportunities to co-create with others regardless of color. I'm just no longer naive enough to believe color doesn't matter. It matters to me because it matters to her. There's enough abundance in the world to allow for her to uplift only those who are of the same skin color, especially I honor of Black History month. And no, she doesn't need my approval or permission or apology. She doesn't need my understanding. Our lives touched for a brief moment, a huge gift for me in more than one way. I'm grateful for it.
It was exausting going through all that. I woke from a nap to an awkward experience. It led to me comforting the little girl who didn't understand why when she excitedly ran up to a group of children, they all screamed and ran away. She had never cried about it. She's been too trapped in the why of it, I guess.
Now I know why; they were all black and she is not.
Today it was what apeared to be an open invite I responded to then didn't get another response back. It came out in a later post that it was for a Black History Month series. I'm assuming that means for blacks only and she just wasn't comfortable saying so.
I get it. I'm OK with it. There will always be in me the "naive" tendency to love everyone around me, get excited about opportunities to co-create with others regardless of color. I'm just no longer naive enough to believe color doesn't matter. It matters to me because it matters to her. There's enough abundance in the world to allow for her to uplift only those who are of the same skin color, especially I honor of Black History month. And no, she doesn't need my approval or permission or apology. She doesn't need my understanding. Our lives touched for a brief moment, a huge gift for me in more than one way. I'm grateful for it.
It was disheartening to have it brought to (my) light that men of all ages find gaming more rewarding than "real life" and so are incapable of any intimate relationship more than a "hookup", are living off SSDI in single person dwellings or with family. Except for those who want you to immediately move in, no questions asked because they assume you know your womanly role (in their mind) and are ready to fulfill it (and them). Then came the 'hey! Welfare moms are demonized to the point that stay at home mom as an institution had been irradicated. It's welfare men that are "sucking the system dry". There's a fact flip to take to the races! Then, oh. That is my jealousy at having to face all my fears of putting my skills on the market. How much do I charge? Will people think I'm if high enough value. If I truly value myself, they will. Shoot, opportunities to "show my stuff" are rolling in! What do I do?!?!? Truly, an hour on the phone with an open seeker is easier than an hour with one full of resistance. Can I put in an add: $50 if you're cool, $100 if you're an asshole? My gifting culture beliefs are validly our most natural experience. That's why it makes me so sad to even consider charging anyone for anything. I need joy in it if there's going to be an intentional value determined exchange. I like donations. That feels good. I can run with that. I just need to make peace with me. Oh, yeah. Woman donated $40 to our unrequested for a phone call I took from her this summer. I've got my rate!
Seeing this actor always triggers my horny. But, I digress. True; one does not simply look in the mirror. The DANCE wondered what it looks like- triggering the *Big Bang*, so yes; here we all are with peanut galleries for brains.
The biblical story of the wedding in Cana just keeps popping into my head. Mother Mary is given to prevent the perpetuation of Jesus' sin by dismissing his "It's not my time yet" ( not my problem) and ordering the servants to do what (she needs not say due to his age; not his time means not matured under his own authority and so subject to mommy- go Mary, go Mary) he's GOING TO tell them to do. This young couple's family could be "saved face"; their human condition and standing in the community honored and valued.
In the nonchalant energy as I await the bus, it occurs to me that the bringing up if that story is a defensive action and a symptom of jealousy. In the Christian paradigm, Jesus' being born sinless is allowed. Ours is not. Guess what? I'm a big girl now. I was born without sin; missing the point of what it means to be human (lacking appreciation for our own or anyone else's human condition). We all come into this world with nothing but love for ourselves and everyone else. As our brains gain the cognitive ability to do so, that's when we begin to seperate, judge, etc: "what do you mean that tit is not MY tit?!". The bodies around us cease allowing us to control them and we begin to deal with that with opinions on more than just how we feel; like hungry, needing cuddling, etc. We then experience frustration with ourselves not being able to do what we want to do and/or with others for not getting them to do it. That's when we begin to sin. Before that: nothing but love.
So, no more jealousy. Thank you story. I was born sinless.
And frankly, the average "sin" is NORMAL, just another aspect of growing up a human being to accept and not sin against by judging it as anything other worthy of compassionate understanding. To hell with the idea of going to hell for that.
In the nonchalant energy as I await the bus, it occurs to me that the bringing up if that story is a defensive action and a symptom of jealousy. In the Christian paradigm, Jesus' being born sinless is allowed. Ours is not. Guess what? I'm a big girl now. I was born without sin; missing the point of what it means to be human (lacking appreciation for our own or anyone else's human condition). We all come into this world with nothing but love for ourselves and everyone else. As our brains gain the cognitive ability to do so, that's when we begin to seperate, judge, etc: "what do you mean that tit is not MY tit?!". The bodies around us cease allowing us to control them and we begin to deal with that with opinions on more than just how we feel; like hungry, needing cuddling, etc. We then experience frustration with ourselves not being able to do what we want to do and/or with others for not getting them to do it. That's when we begin to sin. Before that: nothing but love.
So, no more jealousy. Thank you story. I was born sinless.
And frankly, the average "sin" is NORMAL, just another aspect of growing up a human being to accept and not sin against by judging it as anything other worthy of compassionate understanding. To hell with the idea of going to hell for that.
It just came together in my little brain that fantasies of physically defending ourselves can, on occasion, be a note to self that we're shortening ourselves on physical activity, lol. Yup, this time of year I spend the majority of my time staring at the sky, reflecting and allowing understandings, knowledge, etc in and then recording it all here because my laptop bit the dust irretrievably. I was unable to button up my skinny jeans this morning, which never worries me because I know it's just winter body. "Hi winter body. Good to see you again". It means I'm expanding. I switched over to my used-to-be-my skinny jeans. They're comfy with a hole in one knee and and I don't have to choke my uterus with a belt to wear them now.So, yeah, imaginings concerning "that woman" may just mean that I could use a bit of physical invigoration right about now. "Thank you universe; we can cancel that order for asskick stew after all".
That scene in Forest Gump where his shipmate shouts at "God". I've had those moments. I began life a twirling, dancing, delighted little girl who'd meet the gatekeeper with hesitancy, shyness, timidity, usually running away with some sort of wounding and a leary eye set on avoiding them. Then I hit my teens. I may initially have retreated as before, but I would gather all my weapons and hunt that bastard down to assert my self declaration with the entirety of my being in agreement. That gatekeeper would then let me through, but not without snapping at me and doing as much damage as it was allowed as I passed through. Now, I meet the gatekeeper, do an inner checkup, spend time with any feeling anywhere in me not in alignment, and then matter of factly state my declaration of self. I wait, it steps aside and I pass. I was gifted today with a scene of declaration coming across my timeline. Keeping it in my own space, I admired it, reflected upon it, gained appreciation within me and saw of myself a warm fondness for self declaration. It's a fantastic moment of choosing our reality. That's why it is of such interest. Much of the world might respond with 5th monkey syndrome. Some with gatekeeper energy. That's why we have so much resistance surrounding it. One thing for certain; none of us does it completely unobserved, it means too much to the entire universe. It's exciting to see a birth! To be a part of it!So, yeah, we watch the movies and play peanut gallery. We feel feelings during. I particularly enjoy feeling the feeling called fondness. That's the feeling I leave with it. Post script: it was the desire for a peanut gallery that caused the *Big Bang*! Boom! There it is; my resolution, realization, as well as *Bang*
My coat rack issue. LOL Yup, it's an issue by which I am being made aware of energetic issues within me. I was told I could ask for what I need. Small place, easily overwhelmingly cluttered. Nevermind a child, getting an adult who won't just toss a coat and bag on the floor, back of chair, bed is rare enough and I'm not "allowed" to hang anything on the walls. Hangers for the closet was presented as (good enough) help I that area. I growl. You asked, I answered and now my answer is "argued with"/dismissed/denied it's validity. This is where people like me take matters into our own hands and rant about the whole depend on other people thing. Which is delegation and allowing unconditional receiving when we're in the right energetic space. So, this morning I allowed myself to imagine children and people walking back, opening a closet door, placing items on hangers, and then closing the door. CREEPY! I could only feel the control freak behavior and accompanying energy that usually forces that behavior. Then, this morning as I contemplate spending the money I want to be saving for fixing my van and getting a laptop on a stand up coat rack, I allowed myself to imagine children and people who would easily use the closet. (My children have miraculously manifested such qualities in the recent past without me even asking) It felt good. Holy moly, I was the one resisting, holding us all back! LOL Then a "reality check"; it's labor intensive and distracting when on an inspired roll. It would happen for short bursts then become a source of frustration. I'm getting the coat rack if it's not overly expensive. Good enough can eat shit and die (within me, not addressing anyone who outwardly played a part in the making of this movie)
The above was triggered by the writer of a post declaring himself as preferring to have sex with nature responded intellectually aggressive to my following reflective observations:
Up until today, I bought into the sympathizing for religious institutions bearing so much of the burden of society's failures. They're the greatest number of founders and controllers of charitable and social service organizations. I felt so bad asking anything of them as they all report such limited resources.
Done. I clean up my own messes. It's what mature adults do.
As I observe the correlation between the self hating messeges preached from podiums, stages, platforms and pulpets with poor health and poverty consciousness, I see that charity work and social services are just them cleaning up their own messes. I don't feel bad when my children clean up after themselves. Christian organizations are truly just bearing their own burden that they robbed their version of God of: like father, like son.
Phew! Now I am relieved of that burden of guilt! Phew.
The above was triggered by the writer of a post declaring himself as preferring to have sex with nature responded intellectually aggressive to my following reflective observations:
When we are children, we grasp at and are grasped at when we're falling or about to get hurt. We then hold hands companionably until we reach sexual maturity and grasping another body, being grasped by happens in love making. In exploring breath Arianism; I came to understand eating is much the same way. The Earth senses us as we toddle about and sprouts the herbs we need to regain balance, etc. The way we eat today and depend on medicines is really a perversion of what is supposed to be a sort of love-making with the Earth. We didn't mature, we became more infantile.
During a phase I went through, everything was "sexy". It's just the most familiar word we use to express "delighted in every aspect, whole body stimulated; including our physical creative aspects a.k.a. our sexual parts). That in no way meant I was going to masturbate with a flower, have sex with a puppy, etc. There was as much orgasm occurring in my eyes and baby toe as my uterus, cliterus, and vaginal canal.
This person, from where I am experientially standing, is defending an aspect of themselves they didn't give themselves permission to experience before. It's normal to resent cultural conditioning that supported our self repression. There's a whole lot of fear in this article. It's O.K. It's a necessary dance with masculine and feminine, warrior and damsel. They're doing fine and have a great potential for coming into a balanced, grounded, peaceful relationship within themselves and thus with others. So long as their finger is not pointing in my face for my disinclination to join them and I don't get that feeling from this expression. They're just working themselves out. Messy yet beautiful process.
I love watching Pete Nelson and his tree house building crew before bed. The delight they embody is contagious and makes it easier to skip into a happy dream world. And who doesn't love tree houses?! (Rhetorical; I don't really want to know). Tonight was the "space crab" for Zac Brown's Southern Ground Camp. Zac's response during the reveal to seeing this thing he himself had a hand in designing, manufactured in a great part I his own manufacturing facility, struck me. These men are thoroughly impressed and awed by their own creations. It's O.K. to like your own creations.
That's soul blowing to those of us conditioned to perfectionism that cannot allow for us to be fully satisfied with what we're creating. Add to that a religion in which the god is not satisfied with his own creation of his own image. He says of himself as he says it of Adam; he is incomplete on his own. Just like his own self image, all humans to follow are compelled to be flawed creators; sinful, evil, etc.
I gave the gift of the absence of such conditioning to my children. They're proud of the crafts they make, etc. It occurred to me tonight that I can give that same gift to myself. I have even already begun to, I realized.
A cool thing Zac said was to the effect of; when you bring someone somewhere they've never been before, they get the feeling that they can be something they never before thought they could be. Powerful.
Being brought amongst delighted creators via Tree House Masters show, a new place/environment, I can imagine myself being something I might not have ever allowed myself to imagine myself being before.
Thanks guys.
During a phase I went through, everything was "sexy". It's just the most familiar word we use to express "delighted in every aspect, whole body stimulated; including our physical creative aspects a.k.a. our sexual parts). That in no way meant I was going to masturbate with a flower, have sex with a puppy, etc. There was as much orgasm occurring in my eyes and baby toe as my uterus, cliterus, and vaginal canal.
This person, from where I am experientially standing, is defending an aspect of themselves they didn't give themselves permission to experience before. It's normal to resent cultural conditioning that supported our self repression. There's a whole lot of fear in this article. It's O.K. It's a necessary dance with masculine and feminine, warrior and damsel. They're doing fine and have a great potential for coming into a balanced, grounded, peaceful relationship within themselves and thus with others. So long as their finger is not pointing in my face for my disinclination to join them and I don't get that feeling from this expression. They're just working themselves out. Messy yet beautiful process.
I love watching Pete Nelson and his tree house building crew before bed. The delight they embody is contagious and makes it easier to skip into a happy dream world. And who doesn't love tree houses?! (Rhetorical; I don't really want to know). Tonight was the "space crab" for Zac Brown's Southern Ground Camp. Zac's response during the reveal to seeing this thing he himself had a hand in designing, manufactured in a great part I his own manufacturing facility, struck me. These men are thoroughly impressed and awed by their own creations. It's O.K. to like your own creations.
That's soul blowing to those of us conditioned to perfectionism that cannot allow for us to be fully satisfied with what we're creating. Add to that a religion in which the god is not satisfied with his own creation of his own image. He says of himself as he says it of Adam; he is incomplete on his own. Just like his own self image, all humans to follow are compelled to be flawed creators; sinful, evil, etc.
I gave the gift of the absence of such conditioning to my children. They're proud of the crafts they make, etc. It occurred to me tonight that I can give that same gift to myself. I have even already begun to, I realized.
A cool thing Zac said was to the effect of; when you bring someone somewhere they've never been before, they get the feeling that they can be something they never before thought they could be. Powerful.
Being brought amongst delighted creators via Tree House Masters show, a new place/environment, I can imagine myself being something I might not have ever allowed myself to imagine myself being before.
Thanks guys.
Up until today, I bought into the sympathizing for religious institutions bearing so much of the burden of society's failures. They're the greatest number of founders and controllers of charitable and social service organizations. I felt so bad asking anything of them as they all report such limited resources.
Done. I clean up my own messes. It's what mature adults do.
As I observe the correlation between the self hating messeges preached from podiums, stages, platforms and pulpets with poor health and poverty consciousness, I see that charity work and social services are just them cleaning up their own messes. I don't feel bad when my children clean up after themselves. Christian organizations are truly just bearing their own burden that they robbed their version of God of: like father, like son.
Phew! Now I am relieved of that burden of guilt! Phew.
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